Some moments from our past don’t just fade with time. They linger quietly, hidden beneath the surface, only to resurface when we least expect them. Last week, rejection hit me hard—something I thought I had moved past suddenly resurfaced, just as real as it was back then. Self-doubt, fear, and feelings of unworthiness screamed at me, making it hard to move forward. I’ve learned that healing requires work—work I’m just now beginning, and I’m trusting God through it. Whether it’s stepping into new opportunities or embracing fellowship, the shadow of rejection has followed me.
I was 21, pregnant, and engaged. I was called to stand in the center of a circle at church; I expected prayer. I had already spoken to my pastor about what was going on in my life privately days prior. I expected grace. Instead, I was told I had to leave and couldn’t come back until I was married. The place I turned to for guidance and acceptance had turned its back on me.
For years, I thought the memory had more to do with being married young and people not understanding that me and my husband were—and still are—in this for the long haul. There was a level of judgment that came with that, and it left me feeling misunderstood. That memory runs deeper than I realized and has left a wound that never fully healed.
Years later, the pastor of that church told me they never thought my marriage would last. That deepened my hurt. I couldn’t understand why I was told to do something under the guise of it being the Christian thing to do when they didn’t believe I would succeed. As I prayed through feelings of doubt and unworthiness, I realized that moment of rejection was at the root and still affecting me. The shame, the feeling of being unworthy of grace, had settled in my heart. Every time I face self-doubt, it traces back to that circle, where I learned to question my worth.
This rejection didn’t just affect how I saw myself—it shaped how I saw others, making me question whether I could trust anyone to truly accept me. Deep down, I know I need the support of others to fully walk in my purpose, but my past keeps telling me that rejection is always waiting around the corner. What if I open up again and find myself pushed away? What if I’m not enough?
Imposter syndrome creeps in during these moments, making me feel like a fraud—like I don’t truly belong, no matter how much I’ve grown. Fear keeps me guarded, hesitant to open up. Even though I know God calls us to walk together, I often feel like I’m walking alone.
That moment in the circle didn’t just leave me hurt—it planted deep seeds of self-doubt, making it hard to step into new ventures. Whether it’s a new opportunity or a fresh challenge, there’s always that nagging voice reminding me of the rejection I’ve experienced, telling me that I don’t belong.
Lately, the voice of self-doubt has been especially loud, making me second-guess every new step I take. Imposter syndrome whispers that I’m pretending, and the fear of being exposed as inadequate holds me back. I’ve found myself hesitating when it comes to new projects, wondering if I’ll be rejected or if I’ll fail before I’ve even started. The more I push forward, the louder the doubts become.
I often retreat into isolation when the fear of failure feels overwhelming. I push people away and pull back from opportunities, worried that I’m not enough to succeed. This fear, rooted in past rejection, affects both my personal relationships and my ability to confidently step into new ventures.
What I know for sure is that healing doesn’t happen passively. It requires work. And right now, I’m in the middle of it. I’m praying through these feelings of rejection that continue to overwhelm me. Whenever that memory returns, it feels like the pain is new all over again. But now, instead of running from it, I’m choosing to face it, trusting God as I move through the pain.
Isaiah 41:10 says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” I’m leaning on this promise, trusting that God is with me through every painful memory and every step toward healing.
I’m asking Him to help me forgive—not only the people who rejected me but also myself for carrying this pain for so long. Healing isn’t about ignoring the wounds—it’s about allowing God to work through them with me, transforming the pain into something new. Each day, I remind myself that my worth doesn’t come from that circle or from those who rejected me. My worth comes from Him alone.
This isn’t an easy or quick process. Some days, rejection feels too heavy to bear, both in my relationships and new ventures. The fear of failure and rejection doesn’t only affect my community—it spills into my ability to move forward in my purpose. Other days, I catch glimpses of what it might feel like to be free from it. But what I do know is that God is with me through each step. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). I know God is near, comforting me through this journey, even when it’s hard to believe.
Right now, I’m still in the process of healing. I’m working through it, still facing the memories, still feeling the weight of rejection. But I trust that God is leading me through this journey, and I know that healing will come in His time.
If you’re feeling stuck in your own memories of rejection, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Healing takes time. It’s work, and it doesn’t happen overnight. But with each prayer, each step, and each moment of surrender, we’re getting closer to the freedom that God has for us. Keep trusting Him. Healing is on the way.
Writings on My Heart 