For a long time, I felt stuck—caught between processing old wounds and striving to make real progress. It felt as though I was moving in slow motion, weighed down by memories and emotions that refused to let go. These memories—especially of rejection and shame—hovered like shadows over my heart. Though I knew they were affecting me, I couldn’t pinpoint how deeply they had taken root.
In response to my prayers for deeper intimacy with God, He brought something to the surface that I wasn’t expecting—a memory I thought I had buried long ago. It was a memory of rejection in the church, when I was told I couldn’t return until I was married. At the time, I didn’t realize how much that experience would shape my view of worth, belonging, and trust. I thought I had moved on, but as God revealed this memory, I saw how it had quietly shaped my relationship with Him, others, and even myself.
I began to understand that this rejection didn’t just impact how I saw people—it also affected how I saw God. I had internalized the lie that rejection from others, especially within a spiritual community, reflected my worth in God’s eyes. I started believing that if people rejected me, maybe God was disappointed in me too. This misunderstanding created a distance between me and God that I hadn’t fully recognized.
In His mercy, God didn’t bring this memory to the surface to remind me of the pain—He brought it up to heal it. It was as if He said, “Alright, let’s get to work.” He was gently leading me to confront the wound, not so I would remain stuck in it, but so I could move forward and draw closer to Him.
This healing process has been far from passive. It has required intentional effort—through prayer, journaling, and therapy. I’ve spent time journaling my emotions and praying for clarity, asking God to show me what was standing in the way of a deeper relationship with Him. I’ve also needed help processing this memory beyond prayer. I’ve been working through the trauma of this rejection in therapy, specifically through EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).
At the beginning of an EMDR session, I felt extremely anxious. The memory made me uncomfortable, and it felt as though it would be hard to lessen the impact. While processing it, the heaviness and feeling of hopelessness resurfaced. I could see the faces of the people surrounding us in the circle, and I looked around as if searching for help. Their expressions of shock told me they felt for me, but they weren’t equipped to step in. The weight of these emotions was overwhelming. However, by the end of the session, I felt less anxious, which gave me the strength to continue the work throughout the week. EMDR has provided a way for me to confront these emotions in a healthy, guided manner.
What I’ve realized is that the rejection I faced as an adult wasn’t the beginning of my struggle with trust. That struggle began much earlier, in childhood, when I experienced trauma that left lasting scars—scars that taught me people could hurt you, betray your trust, and make you feel insignificant. When the rejection in the church happened, it felt like confirmation of everything I feared: that opening up would only lead to more pain, and that trusting others would ultimately result in disappointment.
It’s as if Satan used the trauma of my childhood as a foundation, and the rejection I experienced later in life only added more weight to it. Over time, this compounded hurt reinforced the lie that I was safer being isolated, that keeping my heart behind walls would shield me from further harm. While those walls may have felt like protection, they also kept me from experiencing the full depth of love and connection God intended for me. Satan knows that isolation makes us vulnerable to his lies, and he has used these wounds to try to separate me from God’s love and from others.
As God continues to work on my heart, I’m realizing that this journey of healing isn’t just about forgiveness—though forgiveness is a crucial part of it. Forgiveness was the first step, and now God is calling me to go deeper. He’s showing me that I also need to restore trust—trust in Him, in others, and in myself. Forgiveness has loosened the chains of rejection, but rebuilding trust requires a deeper surrender. Trust is fragile and takes longer to rebuild—especially in human relationships.
Forgiving those who hurt me is freeing, yet restoring trust is the next challenge. I’m learning to forgive, not to excuse others’ actions, but to release the grip that rejection has had on my heart. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us to “forgive as Christ forgave us,” and while I’ve long known that forgiveness is for me, I’m now experiencing it on a much deeper level. Trusting God is easier because I know He is faithful and unchanging, whereas trusting others—who are fallible—requires risk. Even so, learning to trust others is essential to experiencing the kind of love and connection God desires for me. This challenge becomes even more real as God brings new relationships into my life and restores those I thought were lost.
While forgiveness is vital, it isn’t where the journey ends. God is also restoring relationships I thought were lost, and He’s creating new ones. He’s bringing people into my life who reflect His grace—people who walk with me in love and understanding. However, trusting these relationships isn’t always easy. The fear of rejection still lingers, whispering doubts like, “What if they leave? What if I’m not enough?” These fears have kept me from fully embracing the people God has placed around me. Sometimes, I pull back, afraid to be too vulnerable, because the pain from past rejection still aches.
Trusting others is something I’m working on actively, and sharing my journey—through this blog and in conversations with people—is part of that process. Every time I open up, it’s a step toward trusting again, even though it feels vulnerable and risky. I’m also learning to trust God in the restoration and renewal of relationships I had written off. He’s showing me that some relationships can be restored in His timing, even if I had once closed the door on them.
There have been moments in my walk with God when I’ve felt distant, confused, or even angry, and I now see that this often stemmed from an unhealed wound. The rejection I experienced lodged itself in my heart and affected my ability to trust, love, and let others in. As God brings this wound to light, He offers me a new invitation: to see this memory not as something that defines me, but as something He wants to redeem.
God is teaching me that trust isn’t built overnight—it’s a progression, just like healing. The more I trust Him with my pain, the more He restores my ability to trust others, and even myself. The walls I built to protect myself are slowly being dismantled. It’s a slow process, but I’m learning to embrace it. Psalm 34:18 reminds me, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I feel His closeness now more than ever, even as He asks me to trust Him with the deepest parts of my heart—the parts I’ve kept hidden for so long.
This restoration of trust isn’t just between me and God—it’s happening in my relationships with others, too. Trust doesn’t come easily when wounds from the past are still fresh. Some days, I still brace myself for the possibility of being hurt again, and sometimes it feels like I’m stepping backward. Yet even in those moments, I know God is with me, guiding me forward. Healing, like trust, takes time. It takes time to let people in, to believe that not every relationship will end in rejection, and to trust that I am worthy of love and connection.
God is patient with my journey, walking beside me even when I feel stuck. When doubts creep in, or when Satan tries to remind me of my unworthiness, tempting me to retreat into isolation, I find strength in God’s truth. He is faithful, and I don’t have to fight these battles alone—He’s with me every step of the way.
What about you? Is there a place in your heart where God is asking you to trust Him more deeply? Maybe there’s an old wound He’s bringing to the surface—one you thought was long buried. Or perhaps, like me, you’ve struggled to trust others because of past rejection or trauma. Have you pulled back from relationships, afraid of being hurt again? Wherever you are in your healing journey, know that it’s okay to take your time. Trust takes time to rebuild, both with God and with others. And through it all, God’s grace is with you, guiding you every step of the way.
Writings on My Heart 
❤️
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