Raggedy House

I woke up yesterday morning feeling happy, motivated, and ready to seize the day! I was ready READY! I was up at 6:30 am, made my bed, found something to wear, started a podcast on my phone, and hit the shower. At some point in the shower, I stopped listening to the podcast and became annoyed. Nobody said anything (body wash doesn’t speak), I didn’t read anything, and nobody did anything; Nothing happened to cause this shift, but I was fully aware of the change. The podcast was about favor, which typically adds to my happy morning feelings. I got through my shower, dressed, and looked at the clock… it’s almost 8:00 am. At this point, I don’t know where the time has gone, and I’m running late. I hoped one of my boys or my husband had made some coffee. Nope. I started to order ahead from Starbucks, but the locations wouldn’t load; ugh! I made my coffee, gathered my things, mumbled some foul language, I’m sure, and went in to kiss my husband goodbye. He gave me one of those ‘I don’t really wanna kiss you, but I guess I will’ kisses on the cheek and then asked me questions about my work day and an event we had later that evening. The nerve! I’m already running behind, annoyed and irritated; you half kissed me and now want to ask me questions!? Of course, this was a thought, and I didn’t say any of it. I answered his questions and went on my way.

Five minutes into my drive to work, I came across a big-wheeler truck driver that thought turning on their blinker at a red light made it Ok to make a left from the far right lane when the light turned green. Then there were the many drivers on the 60 freeway that never learned how to zip and unzip lanes. Cali traffic seemed more ridiculous than usual. To add to my frustration, google maps had me get off the freeway in uncharted territory, but I followed the instructions anyway. When I finally got off the freeway and started to switch from a podcast to music to calm me down, I remembered a call I got yesterday evening. Tears filled my eyes; I could feel the heat rising from the pit of my stomach to my face. At that point, I recognized I was triggered. God reminded me of a word he gave me in January. I could see the rickety old house while I sat at a red light just as clearly as when he showed it to me then. He reminded me that he has to make repairs, replace things, and sometimes even demolish the structure to ensure the home is stable and livable.

When I got this vision and word in January, I was bouncing back from a rough few months. My husband had been in and out of the hospital. He was finally having the surgery needed to eliminate the issue. He was doing well and trusting God. I had just started a new position on my job that was indeed an answered prayer. I felt like I was beginning to have some fantastic breakthroughs in therapy. Things were good. I was genuinely excited watching God move. I had just started reading “The Body Keeps the Score,” and I was getting more understanding of how trauma impacts the human brain and body. I was working hard to trust God in the present circumstances and through my past trauma. Amidst all that was going on, in my time with God, he showed me this run-down, rickety house. He told me the foundation was solid and sound, but the house wasn’t built with the best quality materials and was constructed without being adequately inspected. The place was unstable.

I’ve been in the mortgage industry for a while, so the word about a house and inspections made sense. I’ve seen my share of appraisals, property inspections, code violations, and permits to know that when construction starts on a building, the foundation has to be solid enough to build on. From there, the building goes up, piece by piece, with inspections along the way to make sure the structure is sound. The studs, drywall, electrical wiring, plumbing, etc., all get inspected, and if any of those inspections fail, construction stops and repairs must be made before the building proceeds. If those inspections are faulty or absent, the entire structure could be put at risk. It may take some time, but things will begin to fall apart eventually, and in some cases, the whole building will have to be demolished and rebuilt from scratch. I’m sure there is a lot more to it, but that’s the gist of it. My house was raggedy; It was poorly constructed and needed repairs.

I am the house in the vision. My foundation is solid; my foundation is Christ. The building process was faulty, some contractors, engineers, and electricians were poorly trained and inexperienced, and many inspections failed or were absent in the building process. Over the years, I’ve tried to make some repairs myself, but I’ve got busted windows, paint peeling off the walls, floors collapsing, pipes leaking, mold growing, etc. I’ve got trauma. The call I got yesterday triggered that trauma.

From childhood into adulthood, I’ve witnessed abuse. I remember being no older than nine and watching my mother being lifted off the ground by her throat. I remember being as young as 5 or 6, watching her get punched in the face, dragged across the floor, and picking up anything she could to defend herself. As a young adult, there were times that I would show up for a visit, and she’d have a busted lip or knot on her head. I witnessed these things in complete horror. These experiences left me sad, hurt, angry, and helpless. The call I received didn’t move me at the moment, but my pipe was leaking. While my foundation is solid, the trauma I’ve experienced has left me with a run-down, raggedy, and unstable house. My electrical wiring was never inspected. The cracks in the flooring were just covered up with pretty laminate. Roof shingles blow off when it’s windy.

I asked God to repair, replace, tear down, and rebuild, with reliable inspections throughout the process; I surrendered. I’m no longer patching things up with duct tape and gorilla glue. My motivation shifting to exhaustion was the Holy Spirit saying, ‘Hey, you’ve got a leak.’ In the past, I would ignore it, try fixing it myself, or get so angry that I wanted to tear the whole building down. I can’t miss water dripping all around me, I don’t know how to fix a busted pipe, and the years of angrily breaking out my duct tape to patch the cracks have left it a sticky mess. The trigger was brought to my attention because some work still needs to be done. When God repairs, replaces, and rebuilds, the result is always more beautiful than anything I could imagine. His work is solid; it’s no patch job, and I’m so thankful for that.

What does your raggedy house look like? Did you fail some inspections? Did you skip some? Did your crew of builders make some mistakes along the way? Are you ignoring cracks in the walls, water damage, uneven floors, and a leaking roof? Do you have your hard hat and tool belt on, attempting to make the repairs yourself? Are you busy working on somebody else’s house while yours is falling apart? When you find that you are triggered in the present by past trauma, pain, events, people, or anything else, remember that you can ignore it, patch it up, get angry, or call on God to prepare for repairs, replacement, or demolition. He’ll always ensure the job is done right, the best materials will be used, the work will be examined along the way, he’ll walk you through the process step by step, and the warranty is for a lifetime.

” Or, to put it another way, you are God’s house. Using the gift God gave me as a good architect, I designed blueprints; Apollos is putting up the walls. Let each carpenter who comes on the job take care to build on the foundation! Remember, there is only one foundation, the one already laid: Jesus Christ. Take particular care in picking out your building materials. Eventually, there is going to be an inspection. If you use cheap or inferior materials, you’ll be found out. The inspection will be thorough and rigorous. You won’t get by with a thing. If your work passes inspection, fine; if it doesn’t, your part of the building will be torn out and started over. But you won’t be torn out; you’ll survive—but just barely.” ~1 Corinthians 3:9-15

In his kindness, God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. All power to him forever!” Amen. ~1 Peter 5:10-11

 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise, and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come, and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.” ~Matthew 7:24-27