Caught Between Pause and Progress: Navigating the Space of Healing

Right now, I’m in this space that feels suspended—caught between pausing to process everything and striving for real progress. It’s as if I’m moving in slow motion, weighed down by emotions that refuse to let go. The memories of rejection, shame, and unworthiness hover like shadows, and I can’t shake the feeling that I’m still missing something—some piece of the puzzle I haven’t yet uncovered.

One of the biggest hurdles I’m facing is the memory of rejection in church. I talked about this experience in my previous blog, Silencing Self-Doubt: Facing Rejection and Finding Worth, where I shared how being told I couldn’t come back until I was married left a deep scar. It wasn’t until recently that I realized how much that experience shaped my view of myself and of God. I thought I had moved on, but now I see how the pain of being shut out and the shame of feeling unworthy have continued to resurface in different areas of my life, especially as I try to grow closer to Him.

These unresolved emotions have been barriers between me and God, keeping me from fully experiencing His love and acceptance. As I’ve sought to draw nearer to Him, these painful memories have started to bubble up, making it clear that He’s inviting me to bring these wounds into His presence. Psalm 34:18 reminds me, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” This verse reassures me that God is right here, in the middle of my pain, offering His healing touch even when it feels like I’m standing still.

It’s exhausting, which is why I feel caught in this space between pause and progress. I’m doing the work, but I’m hesitant to push too hard. What if uncovering more only brings more devastation? What if I’m not ready to face it? Yet, God is patient with me. He’s not asking me to rush through this; instead, He’s calling me to trust Him, to lay each fear and memory at His feet. As I’ve wrestled with these questions, I’ve held on to 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” This verse reminds me that I don’t have to rely on my own strength to get through this—that God’s grace will sustain me even when I feel overwhelmed by what I’m confronting.

And yet, I know that forgiveness is part of moving forward. It’s not just about forgiving those who hurt me—it’s about forgiving myself. I’ve been carrying the weight of this pain for so long without even knowing how much it was holding me back. I need to let go of the anger and resentment I’ve felt toward those who rejected me, but also the shame and guilt I’ve placed on myself for not being able to move past it faster. Ephesians 4:31-32 offers guidance: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger… Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” This verse reminds me that forgiveness is a release—an act of compassion not just for others but for myself as well.

Forgiveness isn’t easy. It’s messy and painful, and some days it feels impossible. I’m working to forgive those who hurt me, trying to accept that maybe they didn’t fully understand the damage they caused. And I’m learning to forgive myself for being so harsh—for not realizing how deeply that experience wounded me. Forgiveness is more than just releasing others—it’s freeing myself from the heavy burden of expectations I never needed to carry in the first place.

This is where grace and accountability collide. I used to believe that accountability meant striving to hold myself to a standard of perfection—an attempt to protect myself from feeling unworthy. But that distorted view of accountability only reinforced the rejection I felt, making me believe I wasn’t deserving of God’s love unless I could meet an impossible standard.

Now, I’m beginning to see accountability in a new light. It’s not about condemnation or punishment; it’s about accepting where I am in my healing journey and trusting that God’s grace is there to meet me. Accountability can coexist with grace, allowing me to acknowledge my pain without getting trapped in it.

The tension I’m navigating now is understanding that forgiveness—both for myself and others—is necessary to move forward, while still allowing myself the space to be present in the healing process. I don’t want to rush it or let the desire for progress turn into pressure. I want to break free from the power of these memories, but I also need to honor where I am right now.

Healing can’t be rushed. I’m learning to trust that even when it feels like I’m not making progress, the work is still happening. Each step, each attempt at forgiveness, is part of moving forward, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Psalm 46:10 calls us to “Be still, and know that I am God.” It’s a reminder to trust Him, to be still enough to hear His voice guiding me even when I’m unsure of my own path. Stillness and progress aren’t opposites—they can coexist when I’m walking with God.

If you’re in this space too—caught between pausing and truly moving forward—know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to take your time. Healing is messy and nonlinear, and it’s okay if it doesn’t happen on a timeline. There are days when it will feel like you’re taking steps forward, only to be pulled back by the weight of what’s unresolved. But that doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re working through it.

In this season, I’m still peeling back the layers. I’m still learning to navigate forgiveness for others and for myself. But I’m choosing to hold on to God’s strength to help me move forward when I can’t seem to do it on my own. This space between pause and progress is just as valuable as any breakthrough moment, because it’s here—in this middle ground—that grace meets my pain, forgiveness begins to take root, and I find the strength to keep moving, even when I feel like I’m standing still.

I may not be where I want to be yet, but I’m grateful for where God has brought me. Each moment I spend in His presence—whether I’m pausing or pressing forward—draws me closer to Him and closer to healing. So wherever you are in your healing journey, give yourself permission to heal at your own pace. Trust that God’s grace will guide you through, step by step.

If you’re struggling to navigate this space between pause and progress, here are a few suggestions that have helped me:

1. Journaling: Write down your thoughts and emotions as honestly as you can. Journaling can help you process feelings that may feel tangled or overwhelming.

2. Reflect on Scripture: Find verses that speak to your situation and meditate on them. Let God’s word become a source of comfort and guidance.

3. Seek Support: Talk to a trusted friend, counselor, or mentor. Sometimes, sharing your journey with someone else can provide new perspectives and encouragement.

4. Embrace Stillness: Practice being still before God. Let yourself rest in His presence without the pressure to ‘fix’ everything.

Healing is a journey that unfolds over time. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the space between pause and progress. You’re not alone, and you’re not behind. God’s grace is with you, meeting you exactly where you are.